We've
come a long way, baby. The first time we met Ethan Hunt in 1996's
Mission Impossible, our local movie theatres were playing an Akshay
Kumar actioner in which he mud-wrestled with Rekha -and fought an
Undertaker knock-off. Fifteen years on, Tom Cruise -comes to India -to
promote Hunt's latest adventure, seven days after which we find Shah
Rukh Khan -hanging upside down in a chamber with a pressure-controlled
floor -- just like Hunt did in that first Brian De Palma film. And
here's the cool thing: Farhan Akhtar makes it just as slick.
Don
2, Akhtar's latest, is a glossy, unashamed action offering polished
within an inch of itself, visually coming together seamlessly and
effectively. The floors shine enough to reflect stampeding boots (which
also shine), explosives obey their detonators, guns click into place
with satisfyingly precise and appropriately amplified CLICKS, cars chase
each other with murderous grace, and the bad guy -- when not wearing a
pretty face -- is clad in white and reluctant to kneel because of the
potential punishment to his trousers.So yes, a very impressively
produced film indeed. Akhtar's hero has never looked better -- as
evidenced by the lovely girl in the seat next to mine gasping louder and
louder -- and, unencumbered by the lack of a classic film to be
compared against, both director and actor are visibly liberated, having a
blast making this film about a slimy (but shiny) antagonist who wants
nothing to do with redemption.
And
this is vital, for in a film where it's clear that the stakes of the
story are lower than the costs of its production, what hooks the
audience is the opportunity to see an assured director and a superstar
genuinely enjoying themselves -- like Steven Soderbergh and George
Clooney -in the Ocean's Eleven series, for example. (By the by, that
also happens to be the only other example I can come up with for a
remade classic that spawned its own independent franchise.)Imagine,
however, Ocean's Three. Where Clooney was given not just his own lines,
but all of Brad's and Matt's and Elliot Gould's, leaving supporting
actors to stand and stare while he did his own thing.
I'd
have to admit that still sounds charming on paper, and this version of
it could have been, if only Shah Rukh Khan hadn't also decided to boast
about the fact that he has the best lines. There is a degree of
over-the-top acting suited to a role and genre like this, but Khan
slaughters his lines (and Akhtar's given him some fine, fun ones) by
deliberating over each of them and delivering them fatally overbaked,
pausing long enough mid-punchline to sneer and smirk, and then waiting
after the line to allow us a moment to laugh or whistle.
That
self-sure smugness asphyxiates the dialogue and robs it and Don, the
character, of his coolth. Leaving us with a good-looking caricature of
an actor, one that needs now to be reined in.Yet even this hammy hubris
isn't the film's fatal flaw. It's evident in the very first few minutes
that Khan is going to chew scenery like a particularly ravenous goat,
but he does it with flair and it's hard not to be seduced by the
perfectly manicured film Akhtar builds around his star.
It
is as the film goes on that it becomes painfully clear that while the
film gives us a memorable villain, there is nothing that stands in his
way. It's the genre of the cat-and-mouse chase, and while we always
watch despite Jerry invariably beating Tom, here there is no feline
worthy of usurping Don's cream leaving us with a King Rat, never
imperiled, never really challenged, more than free to proclaim himself
lord of the cheese.Which means the film soon flattens out into
inevitable boredom, the climax dragging on and on (and making me long
for a secret scarlet diary).
Boman
Irani -has perhaps two good scenes in the film; Priyanka Chopra's
-screen-eclipsingly large lips do more than she does (possibly because
her character is such a wishy-washy bore, straddled with bad lines and
an incompetent assistant); Lara Dutta -reminds us that she has a nice
smile and can speak in English without making us wince, unlike most of
our girls;
A
man in a scenestealing cameo makes us wish he could speak in Khan's
voice; Kunal Kapoor -predictably has trouble keeping a straight face;
and Om Puri -better have gotten paid well. But none of them matter, for
this is one man's film, and he -- like the film itself -- looks really
good, but ends up being a drag.
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