# Heads up people, it's a Tom Cruise blog exclusive!

Hey, what's up? It's Tom Cruise here with a Tom Cruise blog exclusive! Give it up! You know what I'm talking about ...

It's all lies: Tom Cruise speaks his brains. Photograph: Steve Granitz/AP
Hey, what's up? Tom Cruise here! How ya doin'? Not content with making movies and forever jumping on couches and shit, I figured I'd write you Guardian types a little blog, just chewing the fat and shooting the breeze. Yep, I finally went and caught the blogging bug. Let's just say that I'm passionate about learning. Hell, let's just say I'm passionate about life!

I guess you guys are wondering what I get up in my action-packed new movie Mission: Impossible 3. Well, I think I can safely say that it will be rocking! Best of all, I got to do all my own stunts! Although guys, I gotta tell you, I had to get permission from the missus first. Thankfully, Katie Holmes was cool with it. She trusts me. She loves me. We show her the cut footage of my scenes and she digs it. She's fun. That's why I'm marrying her.

But hey, don't get me started on dames or we could be here all day!!! Women smell good. They look pretty. I love women. I do. 'Nuff said!

So what else you wanna know? Maybe you guys want some more low-down on Scientology. I gotta warn you, however, that I have a tendency to get a little het up on this subject. So batten down the hatches, right? Take cover, dude - don't make me angry! Because some people, well, if they don't like Scientology, well, then, fuck you. Really. Fuck you. Period.

You wanna know something else that gets my goat? The way some dumb-ass journalist can fill a blog with a bunch of celebrity quotes and then make out that it's written by an honest-to-God movie star. I mean, come on guys - give me a break! That stuff doesn't fool me. I heard all about what that Arianna Huffington did to my good friend George Clooney. Turned out that Georgey said a bunch of stuff to a bunch of papers (including the Guardian) and then she comes along and strings the quotes together in a blog that some idiots naturally assume he wrote himself. Can you believe that shit? The nerve of it!

Now OK. There will no doubt be some clever assholes that would argue that this highlights a problem with journalism in general. They might add that it signals a hazardous new era for the blogosphere, with its open borders and supposedly casual, off-the-cuff nature. They could even claim that it lifts the lid on a cyberspace that is positively swarming with random celebrity quotes that can then be strung together out of context to give a meaning that the celebrity in question never actually intended. Maybe that's something you guys can chew over at your leisure. All I'm saying is that nobody better try to pull that shit with me.